2016-2017 Team Roster:
Name: Owen Burkett Position: C Jersey Number: #75 Nickname: "Squatch" NBA Player Comparison: Steven Adams
At six feet five inches, Owen "Squatch" Burkett is trying to do his best to protect the paint this year. He loves the paint almost as much as his own mother and will do anything to protect it. It is this motivation that drives him to play with so much tenacity. Squatch is planning on bringing you down if you step foot in his paint.
Name: Jackson Harper Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #43 Nickname: "Hurricane" NBA Player Comparison: J.R. Smith
After a successful season with the Neon Ballerz, Jackson is looking forward to new era--one where he makes more than one three-point shot on the season. His youth, in terms of being in 10th grade, has got a lot going for him, as he is the most reckless and SPONTANEOUS member of the team.
Name: Mike Hopp Position: SG/PG Jersey Number: #30 Nickname: "Hopp Pockets" NBA Player Comparison: Avery Bradley
Standing at an imposing 5 foot 7 inches, the always-cocky shooting guard brings energy and fight to basketball. What he lacks in size, shooting ability, and overall talent, he makes up for in grit and extreme sarcasm. He hopes he can become the Sixth Man of the Year for the extremely talented Neon Ballerz and that they bring home the coveted IMBA championship.
Name: Justin Korman Position: SF/PF Jersey Number: #34 Nickname: "Jesus Shuttlesworth" NBA Player Comparison: Jae Crowder
Now a seasoned I.M.B.A. veteran, the beloved Neon Ballerz starting small forward is back (in black), eyeing bigger and better things for both himself and his team this upcoming season. Cleverly disguising his lack of actual basketball skill with a slightly above-average basketball I.Q. and an annoyingly positive mentality, Justin plans on a productive year of getting the ball to his teammates who can actually score.
Name: Shane McCandless Position: PF/C Jersey Number: #33 Nickname: "Big Mac" NBA Player Comparison: Anthony Davis
Being a former player for the State College basketball teams, Shane hopes to bring his expertise to help these "hopeless losers." Other than this, he has no life and is pretty lame.
Name: Corey McElhinney Position: PG/SG Jersey Number: #24 Nickname: "White Kobe" NBA Player Comparison: D'Angelo Russell
KOBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Name: Joshua Miller Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #11 Nickname: "Rain Man" NBA Player Comparison: Jeremy Lin
Whether it’s forgetting to take his belongings after IMBA games or draining a half-court shot and subsequently bricking a lay-up, you can count on shooting guard Joshua “Buckets McBuckerson” Miller to follow through. Inspired by the Philadelphia 76ers all his life, Miller candidly embraces the art of purposeful losing because it allows for the amassing of a stockpile of 2nd round draft picks. However, since draft picks are non-existent in IMBA, Miller wholeheartedly expects to enter each game with a winning mentality this year. He looks to buoy the IMBA Championship-seeking Neon Ballerz in their second season with his team-leading career 75% free throw conversion rate (¾ FT).
Name: Oliver Rose Position: SF/SG Jersey Number: #2 Nickname: "Jorts" NBA Player Comparison: Tony Allen
Oliver is a 5'8" white male whose only skill applicable to basketball is a moderately high level of stamina. The first time he played basketball, he fell and hit his head on a pole and had to get 6 stitches. Oliver has only scored twice in actual IMBA games and both times were against girl teams. Oliver’s three point shooting percentage doubled since last season: from .01% to .02%.
Oliver has too much homework to have free time, but if he did, he would enjoy laughing/crying as he watches America's sad descent into fascism. He might also enjoy rooting for his NCAA champion Ohio State Buckeyes and against the loser Penn State Nittany Lions.
Oliver has volunteered for the campaigns of many local politicians, only a few of which have turned out to be corrupt. Oliver is very proud of that one time he almost beat Shane in a 1-on-1 match. Despite his lack of knowledge about professional sports, he is dominating the fantasy football league he is in due to his AP Statistics course experience.
He wears the #2 jersey so he remembers he will never be #1.
Name: Shreyas Sundar Position: PG/SG Jersey Number: #10 Nickname: "Shreybae" NBA Player Comparison: Shaun Livingston
Shreyas is the Bae. He has an 100% winning rate as of November 3rd, 2016. He's the presidential anarchist everyone wants.