2015-2016 Team Roster:
Name: Owen Burkett Position: C/PF Jersey Number: #75 Nickname: "Squatch"
Just like his nickname implies, this six foot four inch beast is a force to be reckoned with. He enjoys long walks in the woods and hanging out with his friends. Owen's biggest accomplishment was his breakout season in volleyball during his freshman year. If you mess with him, prepare to be terminated!
Name: Jackson Harper Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #43 Nickname: "Hurricane"
Despite his disadvantage as being the only 9th grader on the team, Harper, also known as "Mr. Spontaneous," makes up for it in pure and honest spirit. As a result, his youth is just what the team needs. While actually playing basketball is low on his skill set, he truly works hard to disguise this and the fact that he is not in 10th grade. Even though he is a second-string player, he plays with all the fury of a white, 5'8" 15 year old LeBron James. Harper is pumped for the season.
Name: Mike Hopp Position: SG/PG Jersey Number: #30 Nickname: "Hopp Pockets"
As a five foot six inch tall white guy, basketball can be challenging, but the commanding dwarf known as "Hopp Pockets" has always made it work. He lives by the mottos: "If you cant take the heat, get out of the kitchen", "You can catch flies with honey, but more honeys being fly," and "What if you woke up one day and you were a chicken nugget." He is the most interesting basketball player in the world!
Name: Justin Korman Position: SF/PF Jersey Number: #34 Nickname: "Jesus Shuttlesworth"
The peak of Justin's basketball career came when he nabbed a 1st place plaque in the first round of the Elks Hoop Shoot Contest when he was 9 years old. His momentum propelled him into the second round...where his shooting percentage promptly dropped by 20% and he failed to place.
Name: Shane McCandless Position: PF/C Jersey Number: #33 Nickname: "Big Mac"
Being a former player for the State College basketball teams, Shane hopes to bring his expertise to help these "hopeless losers." Other than this, he has no life and is pretty lame.
Name: Corey McElhinney Position: PG/SF Jersey Number: #24 Nickname: "White Kobe"
KOBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Name: Joshua Miller Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #11 Nickname: "Rain Man"
Also known as "Buckets McBuckerson," versatile shooting guard Joshua Miller of the Neon Ballerz balls night in and night out. He is the exemplary baller. He is the first ever Jewasian trombonist to play as a Magic Johnson prototype on an IMBA team. Miller, as a proud Sixer for life, regularly tunes in to ESPN Gamecasts of the Sixers, even when they're down by 54 to talented teams such as the New York Knicks or an all-star six year old roster. That's called loyalty. His favorite mottos include "In Hinkie We Trust," "FIGHT FIGHT," and "ES POSIBLEEEEEEE." Miller also enjoys playing tennis, dominating Tank Trouble 2, and watching his NFL Championship-Winning Eagles. Finally, he hates biased referees, so if there are any of them during the IMBA season, tell them to WATCH OUT!
Name: Oliver Rose Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #2 Nickname: "Jorts"
The first time Oliver played basketball he fell and hit his head on the pole. He then had to go to the ER and get 6 stitches. It has been downhill ever since. He has a 3 point shooting percentage of 0.01%. He wears the #2 jersey number so he remembers that he will never be #1.
Name: Owen Burkett Position: C/PF Jersey Number: #75 Nickname: "Squatch"
Just like his nickname implies, this six foot four inch beast is a force to be reckoned with. He enjoys long walks in the woods and hanging out with his friends. Owen's biggest accomplishment was his breakout season in volleyball during his freshman year. If you mess with him, prepare to be terminated!
Name: Jackson Harper Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #43 Nickname: "Hurricane"
Despite his disadvantage as being the only 9th grader on the team, Harper, also known as "Mr. Spontaneous," makes up for it in pure and honest spirit. As a result, his youth is just what the team needs. While actually playing basketball is low on his skill set, he truly works hard to disguise this and the fact that he is not in 10th grade. Even though he is a second-string player, he plays with all the fury of a white, 5'8" 15 year old LeBron James. Harper is pumped for the season.
Name: Mike Hopp Position: SG/PG Jersey Number: #30 Nickname: "Hopp Pockets"
As a five foot six inch tall white guy, basketball can be challenging, but the commanding dwarf known as "Hopp Pockets" has always made it work. He lives by the mottos: "If you cant take the heat, get out of the kitchen", "You can catch flies with honey, but more honeys being fly," and "What if you woke up one day and you were a chicken nugget." He is the most interesting basketball player in the world!
Name: Justin Korman Position: SF/PF Jersey Number: #34 Nickname: "Jesus Shuttlesworth"
The peak of Justin's basketball career came when he nabbed a 1st place plaque in the first round of the Elks Hoop Shoot Contest when he was 9 years old. His momentum propelled him into the second round...where his shooting percentage promptly dropped by 20% and he failed to place.
Name: Shane McCandless Position: PF/C Jersey Number: #33 Nickname: "Big Mac"
Being a former player for the State College basketball teams, Shane hopes to bring his expertise to help these "hopeless losers." Other than this, he has no life and is pretty lame.
Name: Corey McElhinney Position: PG/SF Jersey Number: #24 Nickname: "White Kobe"
KOBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Name: Joshua Miller Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #11 Nickname: "Rain Man"
Also known as "Buckets McBuckerson," versatile shooting guard Joshua Miller of the Neon Ballerz balls night in and night out. He is the exemplary baller. He is the first ever Jewasian trombonist to play as a Magic Johnson prototype on an IMBA team. Miller, as a proud Sixer for life, regularly tunes in to ESPN Gamecasts of the Sixers, even when they're down by 54 to talented teams such as the New York Knicks or an all-star six year old roster. That's called loyalty. His favorite mottos include "In Hinkie We Trust," "FIGHT FIGHT," and "ES POSIBLEEEEEEE." Miller also enjoys playing tennis, dominating Tank Trouble 2, and watching his NFL Championship-Winning Eagles. Finally, he hates biased referees, so if there are any of them during the IMBA season, tell them to WATCH OUT!
Name: Oliver Rose Position: SG/SF Jersey Number: #2 Nickname: "Jorts"
The first time Oliver played basketball he fell and hit his head on the pole. He then had to go to the ER and get 6 stitches. It has been downhill ever since. He has a 3 point shooting percentage of 0.01%. He wears the #2 jersey number so he remembers that he will never be #1.